Mr Wolf 

He came out of nowhere. He came along, huffed and puffed, and blew my legs off. Okay- reality check…. he just approached me, said ‘hi’ and checked out my legs. It was an unusual attraction, we were two electrons stuck in the same energy sphere. I was unsure if we would instantly repel: we could be a nuclear reaction that was to be used for the greater good (reusable energy) or for ungodly purposes (atomic bomb). I vividly recall a documentary by Richard Feynman where he describes the part he played in the nuclear bomb as the biggest regret of his life. Was Mr Wolf going to be that, or was he going to be my power plant?
He was tall, some would argue handsome but no one would object that he was sassi-licious (I realise I have made this word up but there are no words for him, so I made him one. Sassi-licious is a bit like bootilicious but just more sass) . He wore his confidence on his sleeves and he exuded his charisma all over the dance floor. We got groovy and I was feeling rather drunk. Suddenly Drunk in Love Beyoncé came on. ‘Graining on that wood, graining, graining on that wood. …. Beautiful bodies grinding off in that club….If you are scared, call that reverend’ God damn it! I am drunk and contemplating calling the reverend.
As we dance my hands brush against him. In the words of Beyoncé, as I was surfing on all his good-good, I realised boy got major body. Drunken and empowered, I did not care. I found my hands coasting along his beautiful body. It was like the Arabian desert; bumpy smooth sand dunes. It was divine. I was Laerence and I wanted to be all over that Arabia. Alas, it wasn’t meant to be. He dropped a sudden bombshell right after our dance, and I realised our love is going to be one of those shakespearian tragedies.

 Criteria Score

Offered to pay the bill N/A

Insisted on paying the bill N/A

Politeness 3/5

Ambitious 3.5/5

Looks 2.5/5


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