Mr Barbados

He was certainly great looking. He had green eyes and dark chocolate skin. He was a walking, talking defiance against Mother Nature with those devilish eyes. Defiance ran not only through his DNA but also in his mind. He was not afraid to voice his thoughts even though they were not very politically correct. For example, on his profile he clearly expressed a preference for light skinned girls (see below). I couldn’t decide if he was: 

A) stupid- surely he knew how Tinder worked. If he didn’t like the girls he could just swipe left. He need not cause offence with racial profiling. 
B) rude- just really didn’t give a shit 

In either scenario, it wasn’t a great start but I like people that are slightly different. Dating soon becomes boring if you don’t vary it somehow! 

Mr Barbados was staying at the Edition hotel. He invited me to dine at the hotel’s resident restaurant Berners Tavern. As I got ready, I thought he may be getting the wrong idea. Invite to a hotel restaurant was awfully convenient. I needed protection. Double layers of protection. I got out my massive M&S pants and my spandex (see picture below). I dare any guy to find me attractive in that combo. I wasn’t going to end up anywhere near his room but the mixture of the two made me feel safe. It was like my own personal rape alarm. 

I arrived and was greeted by his beautiful playful emerald eyes. He was a perfect 6ft and incredibly handsome. His eyes gave away that he wanted me and he wanted me right now. In your dreams mate. You have to work a lot harder than this to even come close to this cookie jar. His hands were already dancing around my hips. I honestly couldn’t blame him as I was wearing my Balmain dress that cradled my ass tighter than a baby! He was blissfully unaware of the barriers in place. 

He kept the drinks flowing wrongfully presuming that it will lead to a slippery path to his bed. Little did he know, I never drunk more than I could handle. I was a lady after all! 
He was a smooth talker. I told him I wanted to go to a sold out Opera. With a couple of clicks, he said not to worry about it and he had arranged it. Boy had connections it seemed. It was all arranged for January. Did I really want to keep this string attached until then?  For the time being I put my scissors away! We talked about our favourite restaurants, my great fashion sense and his ambitions. He reached deep: ‘what do you want out of dating?’ I flirted with the idea of answering but then I opted for avoid. My answer wasn’t going to be clear cut. He loved avoid. He really couldn’t get enough of avoid. 

His eyes glistened with the excitement as he stared at his light skinned girl. He was staring at me so much that he made me paranoid. I headed to the toilet for a quick check. On the way out my path was blocked by a fairly good looking American. I asked to be excused. He looked me up and down, but he really didn’t want to excuse me. He made small talk. I could feel the green stare that was no longer beautiful. Did I care that he was annoyed? Probably not. I dared myself to tease the American, so I flirted outrageously and pretended everything he was saying was on fire! It was hard to find ‘how is your day’ sexy but I tried my best. The American played along despite being confused. 
I didn’t even acknowledge Barbados while I pushed America’s shoulder in a flirty-sexy manner. Mr Barbados was far too confident and he needed to realise he was on Everest and at any moment he may fall off. I could tell Barbados didn’t often feel insecure but he needed to, as it’s a humbling experience. He needed some of that his life. 

Mr Barbados soon became impatient as a voyeur. He approached us and cleared the path for me, he held onto my hand and I could feel the burn. He looked at me and I saw it. The feeling of betrayal mixed in with a bruised ego. He wanted to protest but he looked at me and something in my cool demeanour spelled out that he shouldn’t play those cards. He was even more intirigued than before. He had found the forbidden fruit that was likely to ruin him. I looked at him and we both had a non-verbal understanding: he wanted me and I was just a bitch. No one knew what I wanted, including myself. One thing I was sure of is that I didn’t want a heart break, but how could anyone possibly break a heart that was already broken? 

As we left, Mr Barbados held on to my hand tightly, like a child with his favourite toy. He said he would love to see me again. I couldn’t help but look surprised. Honestly, these guys have no self worth. To my surprise, there was no offer of heading to his room which would have been greeted by a nuclear war on my part. As I climbed into my taxi he attempted to kiss me and I gave him my gorgeously contoured cheeks. He seemed somewhat disappointed, little did he know these cheeks were widely sought after (reference Mr Sweden and Mr Wolf).

Criteria Score

Offered to pay the bill Yes

Insisted on paying the bill Yes

Politeness 4.5/5

Ambitious 5/5

Looks 5/5


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