Mr Turkmenistan

I promised not to go back to the Middle East, Arab or anything remotely similar. However, he was English by heritage so I bent my rules. Also, I didn’t have much of a chance to protest his enterance into my life. He knocked into me from behind with his suitcase as he walked behind me […]

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Mr Lyon 

He said he was looking for something different. As they say, you should be careful about what you wish for as he got exactly what he thought he wanted when I came round the corner and slammed him in his face with my enormous shades (despite the clouds and the horrific rain). I could tell […]

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Ugly

One day I saw the ugliness within him,  The same ugliness I thought I could change,  However, I couldn’t.  Something deep inside me broke. I had nothing else left to say. He was just ugly now. I ran and ran, until he became an ugly ghost. 

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Mr Russia 

He was unconventionally attractive. This means that I found him appealing as he looked like an evil Bond villain. He talked without any emotions attached to his words. It was as if he was reading out a script of someone else’s life with nonchalance.  He had chosen well with Bibendum. It was one of the […]

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Mr Venezuela 

He laughed in between every other word. I couldn’t take him seriously but then I knew that was just what I loved about him. People get caught up in their own bullshit and forget to laugh stuff off. He always reminded me that you always must laugh from the bottom of your butthole – as […]

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Mr Italiano

He wasn’t much to look at, but he had that je ne sais quoi that any average looking man should possess in order to be somebody. He smiled playfully and wore a blazer with a scarf wrapped around his neck in a manner that should exclusively be reserved for an air hostess. He had an […]

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Elephants 

I looked at him and said there are tiny elephants in the room. He said they were only small and we should ignore them.  Over time, the tiny elephants became large elephants as that is what happens to tiny elephants. The room slowly became asphyxiating and yet he could not bring himself to talk of […]

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